I had the most awesome time last week in my retreat cottage in the mountains. I call it mine but it’s actually part of Aldersgate Camp. However, whenever I go, there is always a paper on the table that says “Welcome Home, Amy Barkman” so I figure they won’t mind me calling it mine.
I went there very tired and discouraged, realizing that although my faith was still strong as far as belief in God’s Word and His love for us, I had lost my passion for ministry, for the Word, for prayer, for everything. I was plodding through my days, trying to do His will the best I could. I knew I needed a rest physically and emotionally. I took several Christian novels with me, along with a counseling course by dvd that I intended to study, several critiques to do for the Christian writer’s groups of which I’m a part, and some programs to work on.
But God had other plans.
I got there on Monday afternoon and left Friday morning. Every day I prayed, sang along with praise and worship music, prayed, read my Bible, did a devotional in “Awaken Me” (see the link to Promise Garden) and read A.W.Tozer’s “The Pursuit of God.”, studied scripture with Strong’s Concordance and the Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament, and took Holy Communion.
For the first time in a long time, I would look up a scripture and get so interested that the next thing I knew I had devoured several chapters. There is nothing more exciting than having that kind of hunger for the Word.
What happened? How did I get there passionless and become so filled with Himself that the days flew by in ceaseless praise and joy? It started with the fire.
One of the things I love about going there in cool weather is the large fireplace. I build a fire every afternoon and keep it going until bedtime. It’s so cozy. But this time when I got there on Monday afternoon I tried to build a fire and it wouldn’t start. I was shocked. I was a Girl Scout and have always been proud of my fire-building ability. I crumpled up papers, I rolled up papers like logs, I took a knife and shaved off bits of log, I broke up small sticks. I lit papers eight times and every time they would blaze up in a lovely burst of flame and then go away without affecting the logs. Eight times of starting that fire but nothing would happen. Finally I gave up.
Sighing in disappointment, I said, “Lord, if You want me to have a fire, You’ll have to start it Yourself.”
Then I settled myself on the couch and began reading my devotional material. Every now and then I would glance over to see if a fire had started. But nothing. A couple of times I saw something shining out of the corner of my eye, but it was just the light glancing off the side of my glasses. Finally I put the fire entirely out of my mind and began focusing on the Lord. After about twenty minutes I heard a noise and looked up. The roar was from the fire as the logs were blazing with lovely dancing flames. My heart leaped in joy. He did it! He gave me my fire.
And then a still small voice in my heart said, “Your whole life is like that. You can’t start the fire yourself. When you give up and just concentrate on Me, I will fill you with passion for Me and for ministry, for My Word and for life.” And then He proceeded to do so.
From then on, each day my fires started up immediately on the first try. And… The next day in the “Awaken Me” devotional the topic was “Fan the Flames.” NOT a coincidence! In part it read “Burn off the chaff in my heart. Make my heart pure and good. Fill it with truth, compassion, tenderness and love. Melt my pride. Build a bonfire if necessary. Weld me to your ways. Let the heat of your holy flames destroy the logs of self-centeredness, the timber of wrong motives, the tinder of following others and the kindling of white lies.” And I proceeded to let Him do so.
He led the Israelites in the wilderness by fire, He proved Himself to the priests of Baal by fire, He appeared in flames of fire on the Day of Pentecost. And He taught Amy Barkman lessons in the fire at Aldersgate Camp and purged her heart as much as she would allow by the fire of His burning love. And He filled her with fire anew – a passion for Him and His people, His Word and His Will.
Praise the Lord, for His mercy endures forever.
Monday, November 24, 2008
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