Human

"Life" in a fallen world happened to me big time since I wrote last. I got an infection, went to the Drs office twice, ended up in bed all this week, and didn't get to go to Annual Conference or my castle. :-(
I felt stressed about not being able to go, and then guilty that I didn't spend all my time fighting with the Word. Instead, after a brief prayer and devotional session each day, I watched children's movies on dvd and read cozy mysteries. In my dreams I continued to plan the Narnia retreat and invented a computer program (a joke to anyone who knows my technical ineptness) but it was only while I slept that I was useful in any way.
I apologized to the Lord for not being more proactive in fighting sickness, but He didn't seem to be as upset with me as I was.
He seemed to recognize that I am human.
Human - what a study in contrasts a human is. Even the worst of us have some kindness at times, and even the best of us can be terribly self-centered.
And when you add the New Creation nature from Jesus Christ to the mixed up fallen personality, you really have an interesting specimen.
Those of us who have been born again by His Spirit are being transformed into His image. But it is definitely a process!
I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that the Word of God drives out sickness and disease. I know that if I keep my eyes on Jesus I am changed into His image - and He was not ever sick until the day He took your sickness and mine into Himself on the cross.
And yet I put aside my Bible and picked up the mystery and the dvd control. Why?
Because it was just easier, that's why. It took no mental or physical energy. I did pray, "Lord You are the healer. I know the end of the story but You'll have to get me from here to there cause I can't. I'm too tired."
"Too tired." He brought those words back to my mind today. And reminded me that sometimes I do "good deeds" beyond what He tells me to do. And then He forced me to question my own motives.
Hmmm.
Well, there is nobody else to do them. How do you know if you leap in and don't give somebody else a chance to do them? Well, I made a commitment. And what if you can't fulfill that commitment? Uh, then I would have failed. So?
Then He brought to my mind a scene from years ago. My parents were avid square dancers and they introduced square dancing to the Frankfort Country Club back in the early 1950's. I loved watching them and even got to go to a dance with Daddy once when my mother was too busy working on her Master's Degree.
In the early '90's it was advertised that there would be square dancing lessons here in our community. I asked my husband if we could go and take them.
Gary: No
Me: Why?
Gary: I don't know how to square dance.
Me: That's why we would take lessons.
Gary: But I might make a fool of myself.
Me: So?
Gary: Somebody might laugh at me.
Me: So?
Gary: Then I'd have to shoot them.
We didn't take square dancing and I've always been sorry. Now I don't know if Gary just didn't want to do it or if he really was hindered by pride.
Pride, the original sin - of the devil and of humans.
Someone mentioned humility on FaceBook today. I commented. "Just when we think we have achieved humility, we get proud of ourselves for being humble. Sigh!"
The Lord didn't cause my sickness and infection - they are part of living in a fallen world. But I want to thank Him for using this time to remind me that I am not yet perfected and need to take time to rest and become like a child, trusting Him to bring me to perfection and help me relax during the process.
He reminded me of an incident in 1980. I was at a time of great frustration and ready to quit some things that I knew He called me to do - because I couldn't control several situations. The KJV version of Galatians 2:24 came to my mind "I am crucified with Christ; nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me." Some other versions say "live by faith in the Son of God" but this one said "live by the faith of the Son of God." When I read it, I had a picture come into my mind of myself lying flat on a raft and I couldn't see where I was going but Jesus was right behind me and the breath of His Spirit was blowing my raft to the destination He chose and could see. All I had to do was rest in Him.
May you live by His faith. And don't forget to play.
Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time: casting all your care upon Him, for He careth for you. I Peter 5:6,7